My loved one was arrested and is held in jail at MDC. What can I do to support?

My loved one was arrested and is held in jail at MDC. What can I do to support?

  • How can I support someone who just arrived at MDC?
      • If you have a loved one who just arrived at MDC you are probably feeling a lot of stress and worry. You may feel helpless and panicked. You may feel regret or anger. But the bottom-line is that you want to support this person you love no matter what. What can you do to help?
  • Self-care
      • The first step is to make sure that you are okay. Think of those safety announcements when you board a plane. They show the mother putting on the air mask before the child. The point is simple, you can’t take care of anyone else if you are not okay yourself. 
      • Everyone’s situation and story is different, but you probably have a lot of different worries and feelings now. Of course, there is fear because MDC is such a tough and scary place. But there may also be anger because of the allegations. You may have seen this coming, or you may be shocked and your whole world turned upside down. It is best to take some time to name your feelings and accept that you have them. Recognizing your own thoughts and reactions and accepting them for what they are is important to being able to take care of yourself.
      • Part of self-care is being open to help from other persons. You would benefit from turning to and getting support from your own resources at this moment. 
  • Getting Help
      • In this situation, there is danger of feeling alone and ashamed. But resist the urge to hide and avoid. Instead, marshal the resources and help you to assist you and your loved one.
      • This help is going to come from different places. Others in your family or circle of friends are there for you. Don’t be afraid to ask them for help. 
      • Find resources that can help you take time for yourself. Find resources in people that can help make sure that you are materially taken care of and have your health secure. It may be a time you need to ask others for financial and practical resources. Having a loved one incarcerated and facing charges is expensive; suddenly there are new costs and possibly a loss of income. Ask others for help instead of suffering in silence. 
      • Finally, help is going to come in the form of a reliable and supportive attorney. You need a lawyer to take the lead on this situation.
  • Engaging an Attorney
      • Obtaining a well-qualified, diligent, supportive attorney should alleviate much of your stress and is the most straightforward way in which you can help your loved one. A lawyer should have the knowledge to assess the current situation and make a plan going forward. Consider also a lawyer who has strong communication skills and an interest in supporting you and your loved one as persons. Getting a good lawyer involved who will fight and educate and communicate with you will instantly decrease your confusion and stress.
      • Once on the case, the lawyer should quickly advise your loved one and formulate a plan. The lawyer’s involvement should assure you that whatever can be done at the time, is being done.  
      • You also have to recognize that ultimately, the lawyer works for their client, who is the person who has the case and not you. While your lawyer should be supportive and helpful to you, if there is a disagreement or divergence between you and the lawyer’s client, the lawyer must stick with their client. 
      • Some of the power of a lawyer is that they have duties of confidentiality and loyalty to their clients. It is ideal to have friends and family united and completely informed. But those duties of loyalty and confidentiality are crucial and cannot be violated. If you are the type of person who desires control, this may be hard but ultimately necessary.
  • Supporting your loved one
      • To support your loved one, you are going to have to check your curiosity about their point of view on why they got arrested and what happened. Even more importantly, you have to stop them from telling you about what happened. This is because all of their calls, either on the phone or on video are being recorded and can be used against them. It is crucial not to talk about the case on the phone. Talking on the phone with your loved one about the case while they are in jail literally feeds the prosecutor with information.
      • Even if your loved one wants to take responsibility, apologize, make amends, speaking on the jail phone is simply not the time and place to do this. You really must accept that it is only the lawyer who can talk about the case to your loved one.
      • If getting out is a short to mid-term possibility, you should support your loved one in preparing for and abiding by conditions of release. Very often, a defendant will be released from MDC if there are not multiple charges and the crimes are, while serious, not the most grave. 
      • If your loved one can get out, they need to be ready to comply, because failure or missteps here will return them to MDC with possibly no clear way out. Going to pretrial services, reporting, and following their rules must be job one. Help your loved one connect with positive influences and useful activities and to avoid those negative contacts and habits that have fueled this situation in the first place. 
      • If your loved one is not getting out in the near future, you should encourage them to the degree that they can to find activities and treatment opportunities in jail that can keep him busy and away from bad influences. Engage in school, get in the work pod, take the online classes, get into ATP, engage in a ministry or group counseling: if it’s available and it’s positive, take advantage of it.
      • Be aware that MDC is a very hard place to be. Your loved one can very likely become depressed or suffer other mental health setbacks in jail. 
      • Listen and let them know that even if they are locked down and prevented from contacting you, that they stay in your thoughts and you care. You being present emotionally for those precious phone calls will be huge. 
  • Encouraging Counseling and Treatment
      • An arrest is a possible fork in the road. Maybe it is time to get real about alcohol and substance abuse, mental health issues, anger, interpersonal problems? An arrest can be a wakeup call. It’s probably time for counseling, therapy, and or other type treatment.
      • And if your loved one didn’t exactly need it before, the trauma and stress of an arrest and a criminal charge can, in itself, make a person need counseling.
      • With your role, you will have to discover the degree to which you can suggest and encourage your loved one to get counseling and treatment. You don’t want to pressure and push, because that can backfire. But you do want to take away as many barriers to counseling to make their path as clear and direct as possible. If the door is cracked open, what can you do to help them open it more and walk through? 
      • A supportive law firm should be able to support these plans and be an active role in recovery and treatment. 
  • Conclusion
    • Having a loved one in jail is a stressor; not just for that person, but for you too. You must gather the support you can, engage an excellent lawyer, and try to support your loved one by being present for them, listening, and encouraging their growth and treatment. 

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